I was talking to a friend earlier today about how so many people lose weight and start feeling good about themselves and they kind of change their tune and begin to put people down for not being where they are in their life journey. So many times I see people saying things like, “well that’s good but I did this…” or basically just saying things like “I look so good now”. It is great to have confidence but let’s not forget that at one time you, too, had the same feelings of doubt and insecurity. Just because your body changed in a shorter amount of time doesn’t mean that you are any better than the person who has been working out just as long, if not longer, and just as hard and is still struggling. We are all made of a different body chemistry, our biology is different, so while you may just need to kick or sprint your way through life there are people who spend hours in the gym a day and watch everything single thing they eat and are still struggling to get their body to do what they want it to. Stay humble, friends. Don’t let the Fatty in you show through in a Mean Girl way. Don’t become so proud of yourself that you become prideful. Pride in yourself is a beautiful thing but when you become prideful and begin putting yourself above others and thinking that you’ve got it all figured out you probably need to take a step back and take a good look in the mirror. Chances are your Fatty is showing. Always stay humble and kind. Be mindful. Watch out for one another. And in the end, lift one another up. This life is too hard and too sad and too scary to wonder whether your friend or that person on the bench next to you is secretly judging you. Always stay humble and kind. After all, we are all in this together.

#FattyGetHott

Oh my dear goodness, these deadlifts, though! So, deadlifts and I have a love/hate relationship. I love them but I hate them. I have gotten my deadlift up to 185 pounds and I am doing sets with them but I just cannot seem to get past that! I tried yesterday for 205 pounds and it was not hardly getting off of the floor. My husband says that it is all in my head but I just am not so sure about that. I can feel good and I can feel confident and know that I am going to kill it! And I don’t. It is frustrating, to say the least. Last week I was almost in tears I was so frustrated that I struggled with 185 so badly and yesterday I had to take a time out and just get my head back to it. After my time out I got it. I don’t struggle as bad as last week and my form was much better but it took me getting so frustrated and borderline angry to do it.

And don’t even get me started on my form! AARRGGHH!!!! I hate doing things wrong. I hate having bad form. I just want to do them and do them properly. So for me to not be able to have consistent good form kills me. That being said, deadlifts are hard hard hard to perfect your form on. They just are. There are people who have been lifting for years who still have terrible deadlift form. I don’t want to be one of those people. I want to get it and get it right every time.

Needless to say, I am moving up, I am getting better, I am working on my form (though, it is more of a challenge since my gym seems to not believe in mirrors but still, I’m doing it. Remember, you won’t have perfect form every time in everything. It just isn’t going to happen. You are going to find a plateau where you just are not moving up in weight as quickly as you did in the beginning, but every workout is making you stronger and every workout is growing your muscles. If you have a day where you just cannot do what you did last week then move down in weight and just commit. Focus on your form and on your muscles, what muscles you should be engaging and what muscles you are engaging. My deadlift yesterday I was not getting 205, as I said, so I moved back down to 135 and did a set with that where I just made sure that I form was spot on and I was paying attention to every movement that I made. You will have those workouts where you are just “not feeling it” but push through, end on a good note, and you will be glad that you did.

#FattyGetHott

I really want to get this blog back to what I envision it to be but now that it is time to share it with the world I am a bit scared. I mean, I am putting myself out there completely here! I can count on one hand those who know about my surgery. My completely surgery. I can tell you the one person, other than me, who knows my body and the changes it has gone through. So for me to put this out there is hard. My husband keeps telling me to share it on Facebook and all but then people I know will actually KNOW! I don’t want to go back to that insecure place where I looked 6 months pregnant and people noticed. I don’t want to lie to my friends but the truth is ugly and is scares the mess out of me. Now, let me clarify, I say “the truth is ugly” but I do not mean that *I* was ugly but the truth behind where I am and where I was is an ugly time. It is a time in my life that caused me much hurt but I am finally getting my confidence back now so to bare myself to people I know personally is hard. Don’t get me wrong, my 4 girls are totally worth it ALL but it doesn’t take away or minimize the hurt that I felt when people would ask me when I was due or when they would berate me in front of strangers like I didn’t know what I was talking about. Those words and those actions cut deeper than I would have ever thought they would and the scars they left affected me (and still haunt me, to be honest) more than I would have ever imagined. After all, I have never had anything less than good self worth…until all of the events leading up to my surgery.

All that to say, I will get around to promoting this site, I am proud of it!!, but it is just taking me a bit longer because, well, fear. In the end, however, I KNOW I have worked hard to get where I am at. Before my surgery, including my surgery, and after. And for that I am proud.

#FattyGetHott

P.s. Next post or so I will share with you some numbers as far as where I  started, where I started again, and where I am now. I will tell you, I have been getting stronger each week and I have hit new PR’s at least every other week if not every week. 😉

I am a firm believer in goals and accountability so I wanted to post real quick before my girls’ bedtime (thank goodness…LOL) and let you know where I am and where I want to be. My goals for this page, per se. First, my goals. My main goal for this blog is to inspire one person. Working out is hard. Gains are hard. Making time is hard. But I’ve been there! I know the struggles. If you have followed me from the beginning you know my struggle. It hurt. It still hurts! I STILL find myself reliving those days of being told to exit the whirlpool (in front of strangers) because I was pregnant when I was far from. I still struggle with body issues from my previous medical condition. It is an every day process, it is not easy and it is not simple. So that is my main goal; to let you know that you are not alone!!! Whether you have have children or not. We may all have our little site hurdle but the struggle is real and the same for all of us.

Next, my goal is more of a personal goal and that is go help me get back to my regular posting. Once a week AT LEAST! I have so many ideas and so many thoughts that I want to share that I really need to get back into it and dive in feet first. You get to help me with that. Be my accountability. My husband is my accountability and helps me to put into words and topics just what I am thinking and he helps to keep me on posting track but I am putting it out to you, too, and allowing you to keep me responsible. If you see that i have not posted in a few days/a week/or so message me, comment me, and be like “so how was your workout today??” “What did you have for dinner??” Something. Be nice about it, please, but I am opening myself up for you to be my accountability. 🙂