My husband and I have been brainstorming for the past little bit about ways to really make this blog what I want it to be and where I would like it to go. I have been reevaluating where I started with this, where I wanted it to go, and where I am now and I’m pretty excited about things again! My main objective this whole time has not changed; to show you that sometimes we all need a little help in our lives, be it emotionally or physically, and that is OK! But I would like to bring in more parts of my life and show you that it’s ok to be messy and it’s ok to not know how things will turn out but if you give yourself the chance you will open yourself to so many more opportunities that you may not otherwise have seen. That’s all I’ll say for now but stick with me. I’ve noticed this door of opportunity cracked open and I am slowly but surely pushing it open more and more.

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So todays workout…well, it did not seem to start out very well and I had to have a little pep talk from my husband about how he has designed these workouts for me to fail at and if I were to make every set the first time then it would be too easy. Today was supposed to be a killer day for me after a few days off and giving my muscles time to rest and all. I was supposed to come back in and just do it! So I do. I’m ready. He asks me what my last bench was, I glance back at my log and tell him, “85 lbs.” So I start at 90 lbs this week. Deal. I struggle. I struggle hard. First set I had my form off so once I fixed that it was better but still not great. We are doing 5 sets by 5 reps right now. So set 1 I did 3 reps, had to break after the 3rd  and then did 2 more. Second I did 4 reps and I think I had a little help on the last one. 3rd set I rocked it out. 4th set, I rocked it out. 5th set I struggled but I did it. *whew* Done. So we are moving on and I look back at my log to see what we did next last week and notice, I didn’t bench 85 lbs last week, I benched 80 pounds FIVE TIMES. So I was supposed to move up to 85 pounds this week, not 90. Holy crap. No wonder it kicked my butt! I mean, I did it but I was mad at first. After that second set where I didn’t even finish the set and had to have a pep talk I was about in tears I was so mad. I guess I didn’t have a reason to be now, looking back. Dang, I just moved up 10 pounds in a week! I tried to get my husband to let me move back down next week and pick up where I was supposed to be but he said no. Darn it. LOL

Keep on pushing, friends! You’ve got this! You can do more than you think!!

#FattyGetHott

I was talking to a friend earlier today about how so many people lose weight and start feeling good about themselves and they kind of change their tune and begin to put people down for not being where they are in their life journey. So many times I see people saying things like, “well that’s good but I did this…” or basically just saying things like “I look so good now”. It is great to have confidence but let’s not forget that at one time you, too, had the same feelings of doubt and insecurity. Just because your body changed in a shorter amount of time doesn’t mean that you are any better than the person who has been working out just as long, if not longer, and just as hard and is still struggling. We are all made of a different body chemistry, our biology is different, so while you may just need to kick or sprint your way through life there are people who spend hours in the gym a day and watch everything single thing they eat and are still struggling to get their body to do what they want it to. Stay humble, friends. Don’t let the Fatty in you show through in a Mean Girl way. Don’t become so proud of yourself that you become prideful. Pride in yourself is a beautiful thing but when you become prideful and begin putting yourself above others and thinking that you’ve got it all figured out you probably need to take a step back and take a good look in the mirror. Chances are your Fatty is showing. Always stay humble and kind. Be mindful. Watch out for one another. And in the end, lift one another up. This life is too hard and too sad and too scary to wonder whether your friend or that person on the bench next to you is secretly judging you. Always stay humble and kind. After all, we are all in this together.

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Oh my dear goodness, these deadlifts, though! So, deadlifts and I have a love/hate relationship. I love them but I hate them. I have gotten my deadlift up to 185 pounds and I am doing sets with them but I just cannot seem to get past that! I tried yesterday for 205 pounds and it was not hardly getting off of the floor. My husband says that it is all in my head but I just am not so sure about that. I can feel good and I can feel confident and know that I am going to kill it! And I don’t. It is frustrating, to say the least. Last week I was almost in tears I was so frustrated that I struggled with 185 so badly and yesterday I had to take a time out and just get my head back to it. After my time out I got it. I don’t struggle as bad as last week and my form was much better but it took me getting so frustrated and borderline angry to do it.

And don’t even get me started on my form! AARRGGHH!!!! I hate doing things wrong. I hate having bad form. I just want to do them and do them properly. So for me to not be able to have consistent good form kills me. That being said, deadlifts are hard hard hard to perfect your form on. They just are. There are people who have been lifting for years who still have terrible deadlift form. I don’t want to be one of those people. I want to get it and get it right every time.

Needless to say, I am moving up, I am getting better, I am working on my form (though, it is more of a challenge since my gym seems to not believe in mirrors but still, I’m doing it. Remember, you won’t have perfect form every time in everything. It just isn’t going to happen. You are going to find a plateau where you just are not moving up in weight as quickly as you did in the beginning, but every workout is making you stronger and every workout is growing your muscles. If you have a day where you just cannot do what you did last week then move down in weight and just commit. Focus on your form and on your muscles, what muscles you should be engaging and what muscles you are engaging. My deadlift yesterday I was not getting 205, as I said, so I moved back down to 135 and did a set with that where I just made sure that I form was spot on and I was paying attention to every movement that I made. You will have those workouts where you are just “not feeling it” but push through, end on a good note, and you will be glad that you did.

#FattyGetHott

I really want to get this blog back to what I envision it to be but now that it is time to share it with the world I am a bit scared. I mean, I am putting myself out there completely here! I can count on one hand those who know about my surgery. My completely surgery. I can tell you the one person, other than me, who knows my body and the changes it has gone through. So for me to put this out there is hard. My husband keeps telling me to share it on Facebook and all but then people I know will actually KNOW! I don’t want to go back to that insecure place where I looked 6 months pregnant and people noticed. I don’t want to lie to my friends but the truth is ugly and is scares the mess out of me. Now, let me clarify, I say “the truth is ugly” but I do not mean that *I* was ugly but the truth behind where I am and where I was is an ugly time. It is a time in my life that caused me much hurt but I am finally getting my confidence back now so to bare myself to people I know personally is hard. Don’t get me wrong, my 4 girls are totally worth it ALL but it doesn’t take away or minimize the hurt that I felt when people would ask me when I was due or when they would berate me in front of strangers like I didn’t know what I was talking about. Those words and those actions cut deeper than I would have ever thought they would and the scars they left affected me (and still haunt me, to be honest) more than I would have ever imagined. After all, I have never had anything less than good self worth…until all of the events leading up to my surgery.

All that to say, I will get around to promoting this site, I am proud of it!!, but it is just taking me a bit longer because, well, fear. In the end, however, I KNOW I have worked hard to get where I am at. Before my surgery, including my surgery, and after. And for that I am proud.

#FattyGetHott

P.s. Next post or so I will share with you some numbers as far as where I  started, where I started again, and where I am now. I will tell you, I have been getting stronger each week and I have hit new PR’s at least every other week if not every week. 😉

I am a firm believer in goals and accountability so I wanted to post real quick before my girls’ bedtime (thank goodness…LOL) and let you know where I am and where I want to be. My goals for this page, per se. First, my goals. My main goal for this blog is to inspire one person. Working out is hard. Gains are hard. Making time is hard. But I’ve been there! I know the struggles. If you have followed me from the beginning you know my struggle. It hurt. It still hurts! I STILL find myself reliving those days of being told to exit the whirlpool (in front of strangers) because I was pregnant when I was far from. I still struggle with body issues from my previous medical condition. It is an every day process, it is not easy and it is not simple. So that is my main goal; to let you know that you are not alone!!! Whether you have have children or not. We may all have our little site hurdle but the struggle is real and the same for all of us.

Next, my goal is more of a personal goal and that is go help me get back to my regular posting. Once a week AT LEAST! I have so many ideas and so many thoughts that I want to share that I really need to get back into it and dive in feet first. You get to help me with that. Be my accountability. My husband is my accountability and helps me to put into words and topics just what I am thinking and he helps to keep me on posting track but I am putting it out to you, too, and allowing you to keep me responsible. If you see that i have not posted in a few days/a week/or so message me, comment me, and be like “so how was your workout today??” “What did you have for dinner??” Something. Be nice about it, please, but I am opening myself up for you to be my accountability. 🙂

Wow, so in this time that I have gone rogue I have moved myself and daughters to a whole another state, enrolled them in school for the first time EVER!!, gotten into the routine, welcomed my husband back home from sea, then it was the holidays and our oldest and youngest’s birthdays (different days but both in the same month). Oh my goodness, so crazy.

So how have I been feeling? Great!!! I LOVE my body! I still have a part of my stomach that is slightly distended but my husband says that it is probably just swelling. He is probably right, it isn’t always noticeable but by the end of the night it definitely is. Then we have my boobs…OMG!!! I LOVE THEM!!!! LOL I am totally ok with being being 32DD and I love it!! No back pain and it is so just the perfect proportion to my body. Dr. Grenga was definitely the perfect, my perfect, doctor for me to put my body into his hands. He really listened to all of my concerns and complaints, all of my wants and desires, and he helped me achieve them. I am SO incredibly happy. I wish I wasn’t so far from him now because I really want to go back to him and just hug him. In fact, a friend of mine from college wrote me one night and asked me who did my work and I told him that I looked around and Dr. Grenga was the best. My friend is in Jacksonville, FL but I assured him that if his wife was wanting the best it was Dr. Tad Grenga and I would tell anyone who would listen. If you want go solid work by someone who listens to you and really cares, travel!! Travel to Suffolk, VA and go to Dr. Grenga. And tell him I sent you. 😉 I’ve read that you have to have revisions done over the years on breast augmentations and you can bet I will be traveling from where ever I am to Dr. Grenga to have him do what needs to be done.

My scar. It is not invisible. This is my fault. With the moving and unpacking and the little bumps that has come along with it I have not massaged my scar as I should. I am trying to be more conscious now, though. I will say, even with doing nothing it looks incredible. I can really honestly look at myself in the mirror naked and think, “wow.” And mean it!! I don’t see the scar across my hips, I see a woman, a mother of four, who knew what she wanted and went for it…in all aspects of her life.

There are a few things that I have had to get used to (and still am working on getting used to) since having my surgery. One of the biggest things is my self-image. I still see myself with this pooch that I had had for so many years previously. Sometimes I still feel like the girl who thought she looked good until she looked in the mirror but then I look in the mirror and go, “whoa!” or I try on/put on clothes and I go, “is this really me? Am I seeing me with my eyes or with my mind?” It is a wonderful but surreal feeling.

Another thing I have had to get used to is rebuilding muscles that you never realized you used so much. haha I mean, I’m a lifter! I KNOW that I use my core. But to rebuild these lower ab muscles, holy moly. My doctor has me doing leg lift bends and…let’s just say that I am not bouncing back to that as quickly as I hoped or would like. Dr. Grenga wants me to be able to do 10 in a row with ease…I am up to 3 with a slight break between 2 and 3. I’m working, though! Patience, maybe I need to add that to my list of “things I have had to get used to”, huh? haha

Once more thing I will touch on, eating meals. Not that I can’t do it, I can and do! However, I can not eat as much as I used to and I didn’t eat much then! For instance, one day last week I had a meatloaf sandwich for lunch. Yum! One of my favorites! I was so hungry and only ate half of that sandwich before I felt that I had stuffed myself. It happens quite frequently these days. Now, I’m not complaining but it is something that I have had to get used to. I like to eat so I make the best of it. haha I mean, after all, this is the lifters perfect diet, right? Small meals and snacks (healthy, of course). Yep, works for me. haha

**Let me just throw this disclaimer in here right now because my doctor would probably get me if he were to ever find this, haha, this surgery is NOT a weight loss surgery but now that everything is back in place and where it is supposed to be my stomach is more constricted and it is easier to tell when I am actually satisfied as opposed to waiting until I am full (though as you have seen earlier in this post, I am still getting used to not eating as much as I normally would at one time. haha).**

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Let’s talk form for a moment. Form matters!!! And I don’t just mean because if you don’t have correct for you are not working out what you think you are or as effectively as you think you are. When you do not use correct form when you are working out you can seriously hurt yourself. I was reminded of this yesterday when my husband and I were at the gym. I have been cleared to get back to lifting (yay!!) so we went and while we were there a trainer came in just checking on everyone and she made mention that since someone broke their leg they have to make more frequent rounds. My husband and I and another couple started talking to the trainer trying to figure out what was going on and who it was and as soon as she described the guy I knew who it was. You see, this guy is a big ego lifter. Meaning he lifts heavy so he can say he lifts heavy but his form is shotty. For instance, he will put an insane amount of weight on a bar to bench press but he will only lower it not even half way. Well, that particular day that he broke his leg he was doing squats. Yeah, you can guess what happened, I am sure. Let me preface here and say that the last time that my husband and I were at the gym before my surgery this guy was doing squats and he was putting crazy heavy weight on there but he was squatting really shallow and his knees were kind of going in. My husband made the comment, “he’s going to hurt himself.” This guy always worked out with his wife but she was about the same and, really, if anything happened with as much weight as he put on there, there was nothing that she was going to be able to do. Back to the accident. He was apparently squatting and he put 585 pounds on the bar, went to squat, and his femur snapped. Ouch! They said it was lucky that he put the guards there to catch the bar if it is dropped because otherwise he could have been killed.

So why do I say all of this again? FORM MATTERS!! Don’t worry so much about what people think about you and/or how much you can lift, perfect your form and from there you will not only be able to lift much heavier weight, you will be able to lift it properly and, most importantly, safely.

#FattyGetHott

I had the follow-up for my stitch abscesses on Friday the 5th and it went well. During the week I had found a stitch that my body was rejecting. I actually went to pull it when I was trying to figure out what it was and quickly realized it was a stitch. I called my doctor on Tuesday to let him know that there were a few places that were still open and all and he called me right back to go over everything with me, told me to keep up my cleaning, and what I was seeing might just be new skin growing but we would take a look at it on Friday. Friday came and turns out there were about 3 spots that still had stitches in them. The stitch that I found he pulled right out like nothing. I mean, a slight tug and the whole thing came out. I thought that it was just a little portion left, no, it was a complete stitch and it was longer than I would have thought! Nonetheless, they are all out and I am only going up from here!!! I go back in 12 days to recheck everything. I know I haven’t posted pictures but I really don’t want to gross you out. haha I have them but I’m not so sure about posting them. We’ll see.

That was pretty much the event of my doctors’ visit. Nothing too exciting but my husband was able to be there to see Dr. Grenga digging into my incision and cleaning it out and all. He was excited for that. haha I wasn’t hoping that I would have to have him dig into me again but I was a bit happy that Lover got to see. haha

I’ll keep you posted but as of now, despite the set backs, I am healing wonderfully!

#FattyGetHott